Balancing Falling Backwards

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, Autumn has begun.  We crudely call it Fall.  Probably because the leaves fall. Or perhaps because it makes for a handy way to remember which way we turn our clocks to end Daylight Saving Time. National Geographic has a nice write up on the Equinox here.  It's an interesting day that is devoted to Balance.  The Sun enters Libra and her Scales of Justice. We're to remember that we live in a dual world with Good and Evil.  We can't have one without the other, no matter how much we'd like to tip that scale to Good.

This year is also a bit interesting because Mercury is in retrograde and also in Libra.   The Cliff's Notes version of this means that all communications may seem to go well but will eventually reveal to be all messed up.  Astrologists warn against starting anything during this phase.

But there's another way to look at this.

Mercury governs Communication. Retrograde means to move backward.  (No, Mercury doesn't actually travel backward but it will appear to do so in the night sky.) Libra symbolizes Balance.  Drawing on my last post, we are constantly evolving, We are influenced by our experiences.  Perhaps now is the best time to evaluate where our beliefs come from and what we could learn from our past.

The other day I had an imaginary conversation.  This happens often with OCD.  I also think that if you claim to never go over a possible conversation with someone in your own head, you're a liar.  OCD brings me to a new level of imaginary conversations. This particular one brought me to tears. I have a vague notion that I've hurt someone's feelings--- with OCD and Anxiety together, I can't be sure that I have. I thought of this person accusing me of not caring if I hurt them.  While I know this is something they would never actually say because they know it isn't true, I could fully believe they'd feel this reaction.  Reactions are emotional and not rational. Insight is when you realize you're reacting to something from your past rather than what's really going on.  I realized at the moment that I care so much about what this person thinks and feels that it's landed me in therapy to sort out.  There's nothing this person needs to do to change this; it's all on me.  It's my perception that needs to change. I need to go back to my past to improve my present. Astrologically, this is the perfect time.

Maybe that's all the excuse my scrambled brain needs.